Thursday, October 09, 2008

Empty

I haven't visited here much lately. Sorry if there's anyone around still checking in on me. I plan to do better once again.

You see, the thing is, Attention Span has always been a great outlet for me to pull some thoughts together that have inspired and encouraged me. I like to use Attention Span to help fill others with what God has filled me with.

Funny thing happened to me... I hit the spiritual "empty" point. I had nothing much to give. I started a few blog posts, but didn't finish many. There just wasn't much inside.

As a pastor, that kept me from being what God wanted me to be. Preaching was difficult. My daily life was also. Life was pulling me down, and I wasn't leaning on Him as I should.

God is merciful. But I do get reminders not to start thinking I don't need to lean on Him. I'm not that strong, and I realize that.

At this point, God is beginning to fill me again. My life isn't perfect... far from it. I still have major issues to deal with at church, at work, and at home -- especially in my Christian walk. I guess maybe I had many of those issues before but didn't want to admit it.

I have been incredibly blessed. My wife is wonderful. Having her by my side means so much. There was a time I took her for granted. Not anymore.

My children are constant challenges, especially with two teenagers, but they bring me so much joy. I am really enjoying watching them mature (albeit slowly) each and every day.

My calling as a pastor is both a blessing and a curse sometimes. Often I feel like Solomon, realizing I need wisdom to care for God's people.

I have many other blessings too. We have so much. I've found friends both old and new. We have the support of family. And God is granting direction. It's still a little fuzzy, but it's coming. I'll be patient.

More than anything, God is filling me, slowly but surely.

"Lord, pull me to You. I am weak, but You are strong. Fill me and use me to Your glory. And thank You for the strength You have provided... strength that I could count on when I had no other way to stand. Thank You for being so patient with me. Amen."

9 comments:

glenn harm said...

Just so you know...I'm still watching!

I hope your "filling" continues.

...if there's anything I can do, please feel free to ask!

Kim from Hiraeth said...

I'm still here, Ed.

Sounds like a challenging time.

It's times like this that the steadfastness and nearness of our Savior is so precious.

Periodically it seems as though we must be shown that we are not what we think we are. However, God knows us perfectly and is perfectly able and willing to renew us in the image of His Son.

God is Good.

Dorothy said...

You give in your honest confession of your need for our God in your life too. You give in pointing us back to Him. I am glad things are beginning to look better in your life.

wilsonian said...

I hope your post suggests that you are willing to receive as well as give.

Happy to pray for you...

rev-ed said...

Thanks, every one of you.

rev-ed said...

Thanks, every one of you.

fromtheheart said...

You know I will always be here and so will He.
Steph

sdennie said...

Very moving, Ed. Just this week I heard from two other pastors who told of much the same thing--of feeling empty. You put it in words very well.

Todd's Blog said...

Thanks, Ed. Was there myself not long ago after what amounted to a many-months-long slump. Getting filled back up has been a challenge, but it's happening. Glad you're getting filled.

Todd Fetters